It’s not a Crack House It’s a Crack Home

There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t hear something bad about crack cocaine and the users, I’ll bet.

Contrary to what you may have read in the magazines, there are plenty of decent, hard-working crack lovers, just like in any other “walk of life,” it so happens.

It's not a Crack House It's a Crack Home

More Traditional Virtues

Someone may be desperately addicted to a very potent form of refined cocaine, but that doesn’t mean they’ve lost sight of more traditional virtues like thrift, cooperation, and helping others.

Crack houses are frequently described as places people wouldn’t want to be. Truth be told, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere where people aren’t cooperating with one another. And that was the exact factor that enabled our crack house to become a crack home.

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Ideal Blend of Individuals

An authentic crack home requires the ideal blend of individuals, each with their own special qualities but who are willing to be “team players” to achieve their shared goal of continuously staying high on a really expensive drug. This is similar to how a good drug needs to be cut in just the right proportions. You know, crack doesn’t exactly grow on trees!

Whores, shakedown boys, thieves, muggers, con artists—a wide variety of individuals with distinctive qualities—are necessary in a home. Cooperation is what separates a real family living in a home from a group of shivering individuals banging on a pipe in the same abandoned structure.

Everyone Responsibilities

To keep things equitable, we rotate the chores on a regular basis and have a chart on the refrigerator that lists everyone’s responsibilities. Nobody enjoys being repeatedly fucked in the behind by total strangers for a week.

No, so we switch the tasks so that prostitution is today’s task and muggings or liquor store hold-ups could be tomorrow’s. I decorate our duty chart with bright stickers and glitter, but you can customise yours however you like.

For example, you could cut out pictures from old magazines or use vibrant fuzzy yarn to hang the amputated fingers of suppliers who have given you bad rock.

Our Crack Home

Our crack home is like a big family because we respect the individuality of each and every addict. Although not everyone is skilled in every area, everyone is! To ensure that everyone has a friend they can turn to, we keep the lines of communication open and remember to listen.

Although we might make fun of Eddie when the maggots from the garbage piles find their way into the gaping sores all over his body that never seem to heal, we would never make Eddie leave the room just because we didn’t want to look at him.

Free Clinic at Our Crack Home

Maybe someday we’ll even have a till jar for bus rides to the free clinic at our crack home. Hopefully Yolanda won’t ever again have to climb back upstairs to have a miscarriage on the kitchen floor after jumping off the fire escape.

Respect for everyone is crucial in transforming a crack house into a crack home. All life on this planet is interdependent, as Dr. Maxwell McFarland, the author of Wake up and Live, points out.

Nobody lives alone! Both you and I need each other. I’ll share the cardboard box with someone else if the pick-up doesn’t happen and I start shaking so badly that I need to throw up and they need to as well. No one will intentionally knock DeeDee over if she has fallen into a catatonic state and hasn’t closed her eyes since yesterday.

Neighbor Yard

We all pitch in to help move the body over into the neighbor’s yard if someone overdoses, is shot, or even just finds a torrent of blood streaming from their nostrils and chokes to death on mouthfuls of black-red mucus.

It’s about mutual respect, as I said. In addition, we’ll throw something over the body if it’s left in the yard for too long and animals start eating it.

Baby Manages to Escape

If Lisa’s baby manages to escape, I’ll do my part to prevent her from climbing out the window again because I’ve heard that it takes a village to raise a child, and I believe that to be true.

Last but not least, arguing and fighting are not permitted in a good home. I even created a sizable sign that read “A word can sting… Be careful what you say! “Since the broken toilet fell through the urine-stained floor, I hung it where everyone could see it:

directly over the large metal trash can. Most people follow the no-fighting rule, but if a dispute arises, we have a house meeting where everyone has a voice. (Everyone matters, big or small!) After that, whoever is assigned “Judge” duty on the chore chart takes the offender and kills them.

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Skilled at a Given Task

It’s true that not everyone among us is as skilled at a given task as another person might be, but as long as everyone gives it their best shot, it doesn’t matter. Keep in mind that becoming a beginner is the only way to become a winner! One hundred percent participation from every player is essential when trying to win one for the home team. Any less, and Custard will quickly shoot your arms off at the shoulder.

All of the things I’ve mentioned to you are common sense. Before developing a crack addiction, I taught home economics for 31 years. I then sold my Taurus station waggon and used the proceeds to buy bags of fresh snow. I don’t, however, have any sleights of hand; all I have is the desire to see everyone succeed!

Surprisingly, the homies were initially hesitant to make any changes when I moved into our tiny, windowless apartment.

But after I made everyone a sweater to help with the shakes and won Custard over by dressing like a bitch, the rest of the group did as I said. We are now in our “Home Sweet Home,” where we will remain until we pass away or the building is demolished by the city.